I’m in a zillion movie groups online. If you’re in one, I’m probably in it right now, lurking, waiting.
Anyway, I was in one of my zillion movie groups recently when someone posted a devastating meme. It was dark—inappropriate, really—but I chuckled anyway.
Then something struck me. I felt dirty for laughing, and I wasn’t sure why, so instead of clicking away, I clicked back over and took another look. I read it again, and then it sunk in:
The joke is fucked up, but it is kind of funny in a hyper-morbid way. I’ll give it that. HOWEVER, it’s using a woman and her mental health as part of the punchline—and for what? To perpetuate something that not only isn’t the norm, but feels like a lie?
So, I figured it was my job, nay, duty to speak up. There aren’t a lot of women in these groups and there aren’t a lot of women critics. There’s just not a lot of space for women to speak up in film circles. So I figured why not go in for the troll—I mean correction?
The original post was about coming home after a long day to find that your wife had a bad day and then killed the whole family. The comment was attached to a series of stills from Shutter Island. Soak it in, chuckle if you have to. I did. Then let it sink in. My immediate thought was, “Wait a fucking minute. Family annihilation—especially these familicide murder-suicide cases—is overwhelmingly committed by men, in the U.S. at least. I’m positive I saw a statistic that said it was over 90% men that did this.” And so off I went to verify. And I was right:
Men Who Murder Their Families: What the Research Tells Us
NIJ hosts a forum to discuss the problem and the warning signs that foreshadow these events.
After verifying, I did what any opinionated woman would do: I rolled up my sleeves and left a reply on the original post—something smarmy but light because this is a joke, after all.
“Weird since it’s usually the men that annihilate their families.”
I knew what I was doing. I knew the woman-haters would come out full force. I was ready.
The carnage was quick and severe. Instantly, I was being told I was an idiot. Men started stating their dissatisfaction with the female gender left and right. One dude brought up abortion. Another guy brought up Lindsey Clancy, at least I think he was talking about her. He kept mentioning some nefarious case but never gave it a name. I finally asked if he was talking about the Clancy case. I don’t think he ever responded, but 45 other men replied, spitting all manner of ire and venom against women. How could we, as women, support a monster like Lindsey Clancy? “At least the men aren’t a thousand deep outside a courthouse right now supporting a murderer,” they cried.
For a while, I was responding because, how could I not? A sleepy post made in bad taste could have died in obscurity, but I had popped into the comments to see what the men would do if I pointed out the hypocritical misogyny of the post. They did exactly what I expected.
I got bored. The whole thing quickly devolved into an internet woman-hating ritual of defensiveness, whataboutisms, and men repeating themselves at me while my notifications went nuts for days.
They managed to stomp all the fun out of my little exercise, and so I popped in one last time to point out that they had gotten extremely emotional over a reply that stated one verifiable fact. Not a one among these men could bring themselves to accept the reality of that statistic.
And so I tapped out, applauded the efforts of so many, wished them well, and suggested they watch something good this weekend. After all, we are in a movie group together.
I suggested The Shining.
None of them understood the reference. None of the riled replies in the movie group caught the reference.
Welp, at least we know what’s fueling that male loneliness epidemic, right? Silver linings, people.
Without further ado, today’s Movie Clip O’ the Day:
A man attempting to annihilate his entire family while on the job.