Not Breaking, but Interesting News
09 February 2015
Misery loves company, which is weird because supposedly all us humans are supposed to want, is to be happy. Or maybe all we want is for other people to think we're happy. Wait, that’ can’t be right because that’s just sad.
Captain Obvious called and left a really long voicemail. He sounded pretty jittery, couldn't stay focused and didn't make much sense. He said something about the children being our future, but if they're sped up and they get to our future before we do, we might run into a global existential crisis, or something to that effect. I think he put vodka in his energy drink today.
Don't worry; horrible people are trying to profit from your data breach as I type this very sentence. So basically, it’s business as usual on the Internet.
Fear changes everything and that’s both good and bad.
Your TV is listening to you, Google is reading all your emails and your cars are all way more susceptible to hacking than previously thought. The future is now and I’m scared, y’all.
And HSBC is all, “But I thought that’s what we were supposed to be doing. Can someone check the manual, please? I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what we’re supposed to be doing.”